Isaac's favorite word today has been "ghost"-- which he has been saying all day while running around and pointing at the ceiling....
That's a big ol' box of "nope" right there.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Hippopotamus
September 15, 2014
Aaah! AAAh! What is that? What's on my back? It's gonna bite me!! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!! GAAAAH!!!!
Aaah! AAAh! What is that? What's on my back? It's gonna bite me!! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!! GAAAAH!!!!
Barsoom
May 26, 2013
Not even the mightiest warriors of Barsoom can withstand his wrath, as evident here where he consumes the brains of a tusked, four-armed green Martian.
Not even the mightiest warriors of Barsoom can withstand his wrath, as evident here where he consumes the brains of a tusked, four-armed green Martian.
Ants
June 10, 2013
Me: (lying on couch holding baby). Ah, this is nice--I just wish his tiny, creepy wiggly fingers and toes didn't feel like ants crawling on me.
(Watches three half-inch carpenter ants crawl out of the couch cushions.....)
Favorite Toys
July 9, 2013
My kid has a basket full of toys, several playsets that make noise and move. Multiple stuffed animals. A dozen plastic dinosaurs. A whole shelf of books.
And he gives not one shit for any of them.
What are his favorite toys? Power cords. Pens. Drapery hooks. Venetian blind pull cords. Nails. Screw drivers. Staircases. Giant plastic bags. running fans (he doesn't care about them if they're turned off). Our giant rolling bird cage. Cacti and spinet cycad leaves. Basically anything and everything that can kill him.
And fridge magnets.
Creepers
August 2, 2013
A Notice to the General Public:
While my 9 month old son is very smart for his age, he cannot talk. It does not matter how many times you repeat yourself in your cheeriest voice -- he will not answer because he only barely understands the English language.
If you would like to know how old he is, what his name is, whether he's enjoying his day and whether or not he is a lady's man, please address your questions to me.... the person who can actually talk.
Also, please do not stare and smile at me while I am eating breakfast alone with him. That is creepy.
And especially do not stare silently and collectively as a group in the elevator. You all look like aliens in human skins who are still getting used to the fact that our larvae are just miniature versions of the adults instead of a carnivorous, multi-legged aquatic predator like your own juvenile stage.
I've seen that movie before
September 3, 2013
I really, really wish my kid would stop pointing and staring at blank spots on the ceiling and wall with a scared look on his face....
I really, really wish my kid would stop pointing and staring at blank spots on the ceiling and wall with a scared look on his face....
I can see you, okay?
October 1, 2013
Apparently it is absolutely essential to my kid that I stare at him while he wanders around the room and plays. He has no desire to interact with me, of course. He just wants me to stare while he provides hours of intellectual stimulation by spastically shaking random objects and slapping every flat surface like a drum.
Apparently it is absolutely essential to my kid that I stare at him while he wanders around the room and plays. He has no desire to interact with me, of course. He just wants me to stare while he provides hours of intellectual stimulation by spastically shaking random objects and slapping every flat surface like a drum.
The Grudge
October 15, 2013
My kid has learned how to make a new noise. And it sounds EXACTLY like that broken-throat croaking made by the ghost woman in The Grudge. And it's his new favorite noise.....hooray.....
My kid has learned how to make a new noise. And it sounds EXACTLY like that broken-throat croaking made by the ghost woman in The Grudge. And it's his new favorite noise.....hooray.....
Duck Ghosts
November 6, 2013
Isaac showing no fear in the face of Type 4 Ectoplasmic Anatidaen Manifestations.
Isaac showing no fear in the face of Type 4 Ectoplasmic Anatidaen Manifestations.
Outer Dark
December 11, 2014
Holy crap! Hearing a baby scream through a baby monitor is terrifying! And I don't mean in the "oh no, my poor child is upset" kind of fear. I mean the "there's a machine-revenant from the Outer Dark ripping its way into my mundane, 4-dimensional universe" kind of terror.
Holy crap! Hearing a baby scream through a baby monitor is terrifying! And I don't mean in the "oh no, my poor child is upset" kind of fear. I mean the "there's a machine-revenant from the Outer Dark ripping its way into my mundane, 4-dimensional universe" kind of terror.
Touching EV-ER-Y-THING
December 23, 2013
Isaac: *cough, cough, cough, Sneeze, sneeze. Snot dribble*. Hey, check it out, Dad! I'm going to touch EVERYTHING in the house now!
Isaac: *cough, cough, cough, Sneeze, sneeze. Snot dribble*. Hey, check it out, Dad! I'm going to touch EVERYTHING in the house now!
Tardigrade and the Nurikabe
January 10, 2014
For Christmas, i wrote and illustrated a short board book for my son featuring an outdoor-loving tardigrade encountering a nurikabe.
For those who don't know, a tardigrade or "water bear" is a microscopic animal that lives in wet environments throughout the world. Their resilient little critters, being able to survive complete desiccation, and even high levels of radiation.
A nurikabe (pronounced noo-ree-kah-bay) is a Japanese monster or "yokai" that takes the form of a plaster wall that can expand infinitely in both directions to block a traveler's path. The most famous depiction of a nurikabe is by the manga author Shigeru Mizuki, who drew the creature as a gray square block with arms, legs and sleepy eyes in his manga Gegege no Kitaro. My nurikabe, though, is patterned after an illustration from a scroll by Kanou Tourin depicting various yokai.
Devastated
January 30, 2014
I hope my son will learn the difference between "watching everything I've worked and strived for my whole life being burned to the ground in front of me" and "having dad pick me up and move me a foot so he can close the refrigerator door". Because right now he cries with the same intensity for both events.
I hope my son will learn the difference between "watching everything I've worked and strived for my whole life being burned to the ground in front of me" and "having dad pick me up and move me a foot so he can close the refrigerator door". Because right now he cries with the same intensity for both events.
Pokie Mans
February 2, 2014
My son's new favorite word is his own name. He says it as a descriptive term for every object, and as a general exclamation.
My kid is a Pokemon.
Toucan Broom
February 4, 2014
They need to make bird-shaped brooms for adults, too. And maybe a vacuum shaped like an aardvark. And a snow shovel shaped like a Platybelodon. Honestly, why can't ALL our cleaning equipment be shaped like animals?
They need to make bird-shaped brooms for adults, too. And maybe a vacuum shaped like an aardvark. And a snow shovel shaped like a Platybelodon. Honestly, why can't ALL our cleaning equipment be shaped like animals?
Shadow People
February 5th 2014
Foolish baby! Don't open that mirror-gate! You're going to let all the Shadow-People in!
Foolish baby! Don't open that mirror-gate! You're going to let all the Shadow-People in!
Splendid
February 7, 2014
Yesss...,splendid. My army of plant-men is almost ready for battle. I shall have to increase the enzyme infusions in the fungal vats to ensure they have myconidic juggernauts to bring to bear against the gates of Castle Greyskull.
Yesss...,splendid. My army of plant-men is almost ready for battle. I shall have to increase the enzyme infusions in the fungal vats to ensure they have myconidic juggernauts to bring to bear against the gates of Castle Greyskull.
Aquarium
February 9, 2014
Visiting the Tennessee Aquarium. Two massive buildings with four stories of tanks. A fully recreated cove forest, cypress swamp and tropical rainforest. Huge collections of turtles, sturgeon and seahorses.
Isaac's favorite part?
The drinking fountain. And getting to push his own stroller around
Gardener
March 12, 2014
I'm glad my son is as enthusiastic about plants as much as I am. However, I am eagerly waiting for the day when his expression of that enthusiasm advances beyond "grabbing the plants by their leaves and violently shaking them until they pop out of their pots, then losing interest and throwing them on the floor."
I'm glad my son is as enthusiastic about plants as much as I am. However, I am eagerly waiting for the day when his expression of that enthusiasm advances beyond "grabbing the plants by their leaves and violently shaking them until they pop out of their pots, then losing interest and throwing them on the floor."
Mighty Steed
April 7, 2014
Observe, mortals! I have resurrected this grand Cretaceous beast to serve as my Battle steed! Tremble before my power!
Observe, mortals! I have resurrected this grand Cretaceous beast to serve as my Battle steed! Tremble before my power!
Taxonomy
August 8, 2014
This is Isaac's current classification system for animals:
Large animals: dogs
Small animals: cats (this includes squirrels, smaller dogs and ants on the TV that have been enlarged with a macro lens)
All Insects: Bees
Anything in a tank: frogs
He does make a distinction for horses and giraffes, though
Baby Logic
August 25, 2014
Baby logic:
"Hey dad, I saw all these ink bottles neatly stacked way up on that shelf, and I figured you'd probably want them all right now. Here, let me bring you all eight of them one by one."
"What the hell is all this fruit doing in this bowl?!! That shit needs to be on the floor RIGHT NOW!"
"Clearly these DVDs won't run properly unless I cover them with peanut butter fingerprints."
"Hey, give me that vacuum hose! You clearly have no idea how to use that thing. THIS is what you do with it!" *bangs vacuum hose tube against the birdcage repeatedly*
Platypus
August 25, 2014
Isaac has decided he only wants to get onto the couch via the arm. Which is way harder to climb up than the front. I was helping him up at first, but I decided it was way funnier to just sit back and let him flail around like a platypus on a frozen boat ramp.
Isaac has decided he only wants to get onto the couch via the arm. Which is way harder to climb up than the front. I was helping him up at first, but I decided it was way funnier to just sit back and let him flail around like a platypus on a frozen boat ramp.
Nausicaa
August 25
Well, if Isaac wants to watch cartoons all day, might as well at least have him watch some quality animation.
Today it's Miyazaki's Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Well, if Isaac wants to watch cartoons all day, might as well at least have him watch some quality animation.
Today it's Miyazaki's Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Boogeyman
August 25. 2014
So, Isaac almost gave me a heart attack last night.
I'd brought him downstairs to sleep on the couch because he was getting fussy on the bed for some reason (I think because it was hot up there). Once I got him to sleep, I went back to my office to do some work.
So about an hour later I come back out to take him up to bed. I don't want to wake him, so I leave the lights off and approach the couch in complete darkness. Little do I realize he'd woken up and was standing right in the middle of the room. All I see is this short silhouette vaguely outlined by the dim lights from the street. And then he starts coming towards me with that little wobbly toddler walk.
I'm pretty sure I jumped at least six feet across the room. Not sure if I screamed like a little girl. Probably did.
Good for soup or kindling
September 14
Free to first Taker:
One Two Year Old
Good for soup or kindling.
Free to first Taker:
One Two Year Old
Good for soup or kindling.
Three bowling balls, a chainsaw and a live hen.
September 19, 2014
Checking out of a hotel room alone with a 2-year old is like trying to juggle three bowling balls, a chainsaw and a live hen while simultaneously trying to herd a large clumsy cat with no concept of self-preservation.
Checking out of a hotel room alone with a 2-year old is like trying to juggle three bowling balls, a chainsaw and a live hen while simultaneously trying to herd a large clumsy cat with no concept of self-preservation.
Van Bands
September 19, 2014
So, another afternoon of sitting in the van reading and listening to AC/DC and Gogol Bordello on my iPhone while Isaac naps in his car seat.
So, another afternoon of sitting in the van reading and listening to AC/DC and Gogol Bordello on my iPhone while Isaac naps in his car seat.
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